Tag: God

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This Mess Inside Me

I have a tendency to lose my mind. It seems that in times like this, with the school year winding down, I find myself filled with confusion and anxiety over so many things. My identity as a student is approaching its end for the summer, and soon I will be trying to fit into the working world — always a little too soft, too used to books and classes. I think about my trip back to Pakistan. I hope that it will all work out, and I think about how it will be to visit my family and my country. And yet it’s not my country. I’m not Pakistani, but I’m even less Canadian — so what am I? It’s these kinds of questions that seem to plague my mind so recently. A jumble of thoughts, dreams and worries tossing about my head. Charlotte Brontë writes “A ruffled mind makes a poor pillow.” I feel my heavy head and weary eyes can relate. I can’t make sense of this mess inside me.

Suddenly questions of what I am going to do with my future, where I belong, or if I’ll ever belong, are flooding my mind. I think that often the press of work and studies seems to block them out. But now with the pressure subsiding, my mind dreams and wanders. Some days all I can think of is the future. I want to be in Pakistan now. Other days I find myself afraid of how fast time goes and how soon I will be there, perhaps for good, along with all its trials and problems. I worry. I learned well from my mother.

However, this evening I was reminded of a wonderful verse. After talking about the worries of life, and our fears of not having food to eat or clothes to wear, Christ has these extremely powerful words:

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” (Matt. 6:33)

There is my call. And my encouragement?

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (6:34).

Why do I forget these things? Why do we all forget these things? We have whole industries built around people’s fears and anxieties for tomorrow, and whole philosophies working on trying to fix this innate fear of ours. We fear the fact that we have no power over tomorrow. We don’t even know whether we’ll wake up breathing in the morning or not. We have no power over whether we’ll have the next minute of our lives, and so we plan, posses and protect ourselves until we live in a world that we feel we have control of. I guess I’m just coming to the place where I am losing that control. But it’s good to know that someone is taking care of tomorrow. And what is my job for today? “Seek first the Kingdom of God.”

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God is Dead

A while ago I was talking to a philosophy professor here at my college. I had been discussing ‘rights’, what they really mean and their origins with a friend, and he decided we should take our discussion to the philosophy professor’s office and see what he thought. We had a good talk, which turned fairly quickly to the existence of God and the validity of the Bible, where all philosophical questions seem to end up. We were briefly discussing the debate between creationist scientists and atheist scientists — as that’s really where the clashes arise. The professor pointed out to us that while creationist scientists are extremely invested in their research, evolutionists are not. What he meant was that creationist scientists are essentially looking for facts to prove an position they have already decided upon – that God exists, while atheist scientist have nothing to prove. However, nothing could be farther from the truth.

In 1883, the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche penned the famous words: “God is dead.” I remember reading a poster at my Bible school last year that had Nietzsche’s quote written with the date, 1883, only below it was written “‘Nietzche is dead.’ -God, 1900.” I found this quite amusing, and certainly a good reminder of the mortality of man. In many ways, arguments in the scientific world often revolve around this statement – either by way of acceptance of it, or rejection.

Science is, and has almost always been, far from objective. Honest reachers will attest to the fact that although people try very hard to be objective, research always carries biases and presuppositions in it. This is the nature of study. For the scientist who already believes in God, all science should match up to the facts that they already believe and should point towards the God they already believe in. And for the atheist scientist it is very much the same, all studies should ultimately support the idea that there is no God, and any evidence that points to a possible God can not remain within their existing beliefs.

An atheist scientist must only find evidence that points to a world without God. Any other evidence would suggest that there is a God and, as a result, they would then be subject to the fact that there is an all-knowing, all-powerful God who demands something of them. Both parties in the scientific debate have a horse in the race. Both are invested, and both stand on presupposed ideas. Because if God is not dead, then there are a lot of people who will have to stand before Him at the end of time and explain why they lived as if He was.

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Naked I Shall Return

I never want to quite grow attached to any one place. Is that even possible? To be a migrant in this world, in this day and age? I’m not sure that I ever want to own a house. Perhaps that will help ? help keep the clutter of possessions at a minimal, the roots shallow and the feet moving. Yet I feel that I will always have an attachment to places. Root’s seem to grow fast and stay, even when the rest of the plant is ripped off and moved elsewhere. I just want to overcome that innate desire to own places ? to possess them and keep them.

I want to wander this earth like a wind, sweeping, swirling, rising and falling. Only someday to blow away and be gone, without a trace. I don’t think that’s possible. But no one can stay forever, so why keep things as if I could? We all seem to have a desire to leave something that will last and be remembered, and many have tried, fruitlessly. Why build an empire to be left to decay, crumbling to pieces like that of the great Khan, imperial Rome or the derelict Ozymandias? The only thing that will last is the people, the love and warmth given to them, or the lack thereof. We need to focus on the things that last.

Christ himself said,

“Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head”(Matt. 8:20).

Why should we live so different from that of our example? Why do we have such a rampant desire to hold, to keep and to collect? The earth is ours, but we are all just strangers passing through. Some will build their mansions, but like castles on the beach, it isn’t long before the lapping waves eat these walls to sand, washing them away with the tide of time. Leaving at best, a dimple in the sand the following morning, and this too soon is gone as well.

I don’t mean to argue that everyone should sell their homes, or never own anything. However, I do think that we need to seriously consider the choices we make in our day to day lives and think critically about the importance we place on things and places, not just following the norms of our society, but living a life with purpose. I want to make this a reality in my life, and it will be a daily struggle to do so.

Job says it so well when he writes,

“Naked I came from my mothers womb, and naked I shall return”(1:21).

If only we always kept this in mind. My fear is that in time, as pressures and worries flood in, I will forget this. I will find myself surrounded by things I swore I would never have, and treasuring these useless objects. I pray it won’t be so. I just have to remember to keep my eyes focused on the example.

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Brushing Teeth

I think it pays to have a perspective shift in your life every once in a while. This friday, after my usual shift of working at the coffee shop downtown, and a quick bubble tea with a friend, I hopped on a bus and headed over to my relatives house to baby sit for them while they went to watch a hockey game. I had planned to do a bit of homework that night, but I figured I probably wouldn’t have done it anyway, and baby sitting sounded like a much better idea.

When I got there I wolfed down my Vietnamese sub sandwich (which I had gotten along with the bubble tea downtown) and soon after a bit of briefing and the bustle of parents leaving, I was left with the three kids watching a tv show in the living room. It was fairly late as it was, and because Josiah, the four-year-old was sick, bedtime was very soon in coming. Before long it was time to shut off the tv and tromp our way upstairs. Josiah picked out a story to read, which happened to be Monsters Inc. 3D. I wasn’t quite sure if it was helpful pre-bedtime reading, since he had to wear these silly 3D glasses while I read the fastest and most anticlimactic synopsis of Monsters Inc. – ten pages of character development, one page of conflict and a page to wrap it all off with a nice ending.

After this, I had been told that I would have to brush Josiah’s teeth before he went to bed. I had never brushed any teeth before, so I have to say I was a little unsure about how it was going to go. Josiah walked into the bathroom, and after perching himself on a stool, facing the sink, simply looked at me in the mirror. “So, I guess its time to brush your teeth.” I opened up the drawer to find a toothbrush, and soon received the run down on the teeth brushing. I was shown the hourglass (or two minute glass), used to make sure that we brushed the teeth long enough, and was told who’s toothbrush was who’s and which toothpaste to use for little Julia, as well as which to use for Josiah.

Then it was time to start brushing. The last memories I have of parents brushing their children’s teeth was from my own parents. I can remember my dad scratching away at my teeth so hard that I was worried I wouldn’t have anything left but nice shiny clean bones by the time he was done! So with this torture in mind, I began very slowly, trying to peer into Josiah’s mouth to see the tiny rows of teeth I was supposed to clean. The two minutes seemed to drag on forever, and at times I thought maybe the sand had just gotten stuck in the glass, and that I would be standing there brushing forever. However, it did finally end, and after some spitting and rinsing, I soon had Josiah in bed, but not before he reminded me that he was supposed to go to the bathroom before he went to sleep. I’m glad the kids know what they’re doing!

Next was Julia, the smiling little one year old, just beginning to say a few words. Jenna, the oldest made sure that I had gotten everything done with Josiah before I took Julia upstairs as well. “You brushed his teeth?”
“Yep.”
“And he went to the bathroom?”
Thanks to him. “Yep.”
“Good.”

And so I had the approval of six-year-old Jenna, and could move on to putting Julia to bed. Again thanks to Josiah I knew which toothpaste was Julia’s, and I guessed the smallest white toothbrush was probably hers too. This time I was even more careful. At first I could hardly tell if I was brushing teeth at all! But soon I found her little teeth, which seemed to have a habit of biting down on the toothbrush and slowing down the process. However, we soon got them all brushed, and after a short bedtime story, I laid her in the crib with all her things, and left her to sing to herself.

Jenna and I watched another ten minutes of tv before she went up as well, thankfully to brush her own teeth. And after some Earth Day education from Clifford, her lights were turned off as well, and with all three doors shut, the rituals of putting the kids to bed were finished. I was surprised at how I was, especially since it was only 8 pm. I only wished that it was me getting tucked into my bed.

And so ended my first real baby sitting experience. I was just glad that I didn’t have to change a diaper, thanks to the fact that Julia filled it just before her parents left. The girl has an excellent sense of timing! The whole evening was extremely refreshing in a way; such a good break from the life of a young college student. It made me excited for being a Dad someday. I know I dread that at the same time – but it really was such a nice time. Thank God for all the Dads and all their hard work.

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Flying Cars and John Locke

When you are a child, there are some rules and facts that you are simply born with, which make complete logical sense to everyone at the time. I helped out with children’s church today, teaching some of the short story of the first part of Christmas, as well as playing cars with the kids after. I was reminded today of a simple fact of childhood: that if you open both a car’s doors at the same time, it is capable of airborne flight. No one questions it, in fact, I can hardly believe I had forgotten it at all.

However, we did have some problems with a little girl who, despite the fact that her monster truck could not open its doors, somehow thought it could fly and hunt down a similarly airborne police car. Foolish little girl. Maybe someday she’ll have some sense knocked into her – car’s only fly with their doors open!

One learns all sorts of things around children, the very first of which is that there is very little different between them and adults. It baffles me to think that someone would even consider John Locke’s ideas of children being ‘blank slates’. Which world did he live on? Perhaps very few would accept the philosophy if the realized the man never had any children himself! Only  imagine if he did. We would read instead of tabula stinky poopy anarchy. 

I mean, when it comes to children, I really think that, in many ways, William Golding’s Lord of the Flies has a great deal more to offer us. At least he had a wife and children. But seriously, who wouldn’t argue that people are born good. They only learn to be selfish, brutal, greedy liars by the time they are four because…. well, because of society – it’s their society of selfish greedy little four-year-olds that turns them evil really. And those other four year olds… they learned it from… well, it just wouldn’t be philosophy if it had any answers, would it?

As a side note, I just want to say that I am really looking forward to heaven. If every bad thing comes as a result of sin, I would put the need to use the toilet as a result of sin. Think about it, no poo poo means no potty, and no potty with the poo poo means no cleaning the poo poo potty! So, there’s one more thing to look forward to in heaven. Take comfort in that thought, for all those blessed enough to be reminded constantly that toilet hygiene comes at a price.